In June of 2023, I went on an Unwelcome Journey. I thank you for walking with me over the course of the last few weeks as I shared notes from my journal. If I have helped one person get checked, eased her mind or given hope, then this section has been a success.
I met with my Oncologist again, following my radiation treatments. Since my particular type of cancer is Estrogen/Progesterone positive, I will be taking Estrogen blockers for the next 5 years. Yippee. For those of you who fought this fight a few years back, you may be noticing that I am only on them for 5 years. Standard used to be 10, so yay? There are many different kinds on the market, some are more targeted to pre-menopausal women, some for post. Since I am postmenopausal, I have been put on Letrozole. More questions…what are the side effects and how can I mitigate them?
Osteoporosis or Osteopenia are two major side effects. Great, survive cancer to get Osteoporosis. I guess it is better than not, but what to do? Calcium supplements for the bones, Vitamin D supplements to help the body absorb the calcium better. Weight bearing exercise. Okay, this is doable. Joined the gym, walking with my neighbor, extra pills in the daily pill-box. Oh yeah, don’t fall! Check.
Headache, nausea and fatigue. Well, as much as I don’t want to put more medications into my body, a girl has to survive. Fortunately, I know some massage procedures to help with the headaches. I am retired, so I can just nap when I need to nap. I know that fatigue is way more than that, but at least I don’t have to worry about work.
Hot Flashes. Again! Uggh. I’ve been through this before. Then I knew it would be temporary (hopefully) but now, I’m not so sure. If I could find a way to transmit the energy from a flash to my furnace, I could heat my home for free. Heck, I could probably power a small town.
At the time of this writing, I am a year out. A year as a Survivor. 13 months since my surgery, 11 months since the completion of radiation, 5 months since my last mammogram and the beautiful phrase of No Evidence of Cancer.
I have returned to my life, pretty close to how it was before the diagnosis. Perhaps a touch sweeter, perhaps a touch more apprehensive. I am working on my physical health. I know there is a link between cancer and obesity. My GP is being quite supportive in this quest. I am down 30 pounds, with quite a few more to go, but it’s a start.
I am back to performing and teaching. Walking back into the studio was like a Victory Lap with NASCAR. My band mates never really gave me the option of quitting, but it is good to know that I have the stamina for at least a couple hours of fiddling.
Mentally, it is a bit harder. I know that I am lucky to be alive, and believe me, I appreciate it! Sometimes the past year seems like I was in a fog, sometimes the feelings return so strongly that a few tears still leak out. Sometimes I want to talk about it, sometimes I really don’t. Sometimes I forget that I had cancer, I feel the same sense of invincibility that I carried my entire life, and then it all comes back. BAM! I know that cancer may return. I know that my fight with cancer was relatively easy, compared to what some of my Pink Sisters (warriors in the battle of Breast Cancer) have gone through. But, I can’t let cancer take anything more from me, so I try not to worry. However, every Month-iversary of the Mammogram, C is on my mind. Every time I see something Pink, C is on my mind. I guess I will get used to it, and ignore the intrusions the best I can. I also find myself fighting the feeling of being Less Than. Less Than I was Before Cancer. I rationally know that I might not be able to do everything I did before, but that doesn’t mean I am Less Than. It merely means I have to be careful, or find another way to do those things.
I know that many people in my life tried to reach out. I thank you all. I am sorry if I was cross to you or cut you off or even lied and told you I was Fine. It is a difficult subject for all involved.
I can’t wrap this up without a few words of advice. So, here goes.
GET THEM CHECKED!!!!!
Tell all your friends to GET THEM CHECKED!!!!! Remember, men can get breast cancer, also.
If you are diagnosed, my suggestion is to research as much as you can and then write a list of questions for your care team. Take notes. Don’t feel like you are bugging them, that is their job. Advocate for yourself. These people see a lot of this, so to them it is routine. To you, not so much. Some places have Patient Navigators to help you through the process. Take them up on it!
Line up your Team. Everyone wants to help, but often they don’t know how or it is difficult for them to ask. I needed accountability for walking during my radiation treatments, so I put it out on Social Media. I had a different walking partner every day! Meal trains are good, though you might want to specify what foods you can eat, and that of your family. If someone wants to do your shopping for you, by all means, let them!
Get counseling. You will be on an emotional roller coaster. Though you might feel like you are losing your mind, it is a normal response.
If someone close to you gets this diagnosis, please know that they might not be thinking clearly for a while. Sometimes, if you ask ‘How can I help?’ they might not be thinking clearly enough to let you know. Come over, sit with them and hold space, they might not even want to talk. Go do their dishes, maybe take the kids for a bit. Something to lessen their burden.
Help is out there. The Cancer Center will have packets of information for you, American Cancer Society is a great resource. I found Stewart’s Caring Place in Fairlawn to be especially helpful. They have a range of resources; massage, reiki, counseling, classes, a food pantry, wigs, music therapy. Support groups can be helpful, too. Your Cancer Center will likely have a list available there, or you can go online. Just, please, don’t fight this fight alone. Your Pink Sisters are out there, pulling for you.
