No, I’m not an old yellow dog, but yes, I am old and apparently, I sure do yell.
He said (towards the microphone outside his car), “What did you say? I want double cream and…”
She responded, “Okay. I’ll talk louder. Sir, could you get closer to the microphone? I’m having trouble understanding you.”
He: Lady, maybe it’s on your end. I can hardly make out what you’re saying either.”
She (louder still): Okay.
He (now shouting even louder): “Okay, I want a medium cup of coffee with two sugars and extra cream. Can you hear me now?”
She (amid much background laughter): Yes, we can hear you here and in the next county!”
I get to the pick-up window, and I can hear them all still laughing. I overhear, “I win the bet. He’s over 75.”
“Yes,” I say, “Yes, I’m a bit hard of hearing and yes, I am over 75.”
Upon advice from my audiologist who wanted to test me to see if I would wear one of these devices, I bought cheapo hearing aids being advertised on TV by Joe Namath. In the commercial Joe insists something to the effect of, “I was wearing an expensive pair for years but now I’m wearing an over-the-counter pair and I hear with no problem, just like before I needed help to hear. You can, too…blah…blah…blah. Get them now and you’ll be hearing just like me. Tell ‘em Joe sent ya!!”
Maybe the reason why they picked old Joe to shill for them is because the old quarterback was used to being yelled at and barking back. All that yelling and barking was just normal conversation for him on the football field, but apparently something of a problem for many of us oldsters when we are in restaurants or drive-throughs.
For example, my passenger that day is also a little hard of hearing. I must make my voice louder when I talk to her. No, I am not yelling at her. So, it goes! Anyway, I bought some of those cheapo hearing aids old Joe recommended. Problems, of course, crept up. Seriously now, have you ever known anybody with hearing aids — cheap or expensive — that have worked just as well as they were expected to work? I haven’t. I’ve had hearing problems all my life since I was a kid. I have been to doctors, audiologists and such, and spent time with other hearing-impaired children and adults. So yes, I know about hearing aids. Virtually every person I have encountered with them has to constantly fiddle with, re-calibrate, re-something with them.
Having experimented with these low-end hearing aid models for about two years now, I decided that I liked being able to hear somewhat better despite the usual problems with them. “Problems,” you say? Did I mention that dogs seem to just love ‘em? They’ll steal them right off your nightstand and chew them up! “They’re better than ‘Barkin’ Bacon’ “ you ask? Yes. Apparently, they are — my pooch has eaten up two pair so far.
I finally went back to a good audiologist and was fitted for a good, non-cheap pair. Indeed, they do work better than the Joe Namath variety although, they are not completely trouble free. Oh. And make sure you store them in a heavy-duty case that is impervious to dog teeth.
I bring all of this up because it is not happening merely because I am old. Truthfully, I have been a little hard of hearing all my life. Apparently now that I am over 75, the hearing problems are getting progressively worse. Oh, I can hear that people are making noise at me and I can see their mouths moving, but I frequently cannot make out exactly what they are saying. Peripheral noise gets amplified by all hearing devices regardless of how much they cost.
So, when you hear a senior citizen yelling or talking loudly at you, please don’t assume that they are angry with you. Recently I was accused of yelling at someone when I thought I was talking normally — there’s always the possibility that they are just trying to communicate with you.
Talk to me. Tell me about your own experiences with hearing and listening. Email me at skipstaxidermy@yahoo.com
