The computer has forced me to type this piece over again after it deleted everything except the date, August 31. I don’t know if I insulted it or what. Maybe it’s been keeping track of the things which I have been saying about it–all true! There was a Dilbert cartoon the other day that might fit : Office worker is saying to the pointy-haired boss, “I want you to fire Dilbert because he said I might be nuts.” She continues, “He wouldn’t say that to a man.” The pointy-haired boss then says, “He said the same thing to me last week.” Then she gets agitated and yells, “It doesn’t count if it’s true !” Right
Anyway… whose mailing list have I got onto now? Consumer Reports I can understand. Various charity appeals/requests I can understand, and am inundated by (I’m such a push-over). But there are even more remarkable items out there that keep showing up in my mailbox.
For instance, the other day some outfit called the Mystic Stamp Company sent me a once-in-a-lifetime offer of a FREE Elvis Presley 85th Birthday(Wait! Hasn’t Elvis already left the building…permanently?) U.S. Half Dollar Tribute (A $12.95 value) for just $2.95 shipping and handling. Such a deal! The flyer that came with this fabulous offer claimed that the genuine, new, uncirculated half dollar has been enhanced by a “revolutionary technique” to present a color portrait of “The King”, an official logo authorized by Graceland and recreating ( Their interpretation of the word “recreating” is considerable different from mine. It shows a sort of stick-like figure making what might charitably be called a dance move and a few indeterminate music notes.) a memorable moment of Elvis dancing in the 1957 movie “Jailhouse Rock”. Hot Dang!
Should one choose to pay the s&h charge ($2.95) to obtain this treasure, this meaningful keepsake, one will also get special collectors information…”and other interesting coins on approval.” My guess is that once you get on their list, it will be “Bessie, bar the doors!” and it will take an act of God, or Congress, whichever you have more confidence in, to stop unwanted stuff from showing up in your mailbox–providing the USPS hasn’t been driven out of business by then. Hurry, hurry! Order now! Heaven only knows what will happen to your credit card numbers. But you’ll have a fifty-cent piece…in color!
O.K., that was the mail. On the phone, another adventure awaited.
Recall that a while back I got a call from some dude who said that he was going to give me an amazing prize–BIG BUCKS !–and a brand-new car ( Blue. I got to pick the color.) Strangely enough, as soon as this character got to talk to one of Garrettsville’s Finest, he found something else he had to do and hung up, rather precipitously. Then there was a second caller With an even bigger offer, that I gave a hard time to,because he wasn’t going to give me a new car. Told him he was a piker. He disappeared too. Too bad, I had been making lists of who I could give money to, for various reasons. Alas! The Big Bucks never materialized.
But I still have the lists, and it’s a good thing too, because I got another call on August 31 from Barbara Becker (or Baker, it wasn’t real clear) of Becker, McKenzie and Associates (All I could find when looking this crowd up was Baker, McKenzie). She wanted to see if I was prepared to accept my upcoming prize of $500,000 from Publishers Clearing House , to be delivered on September 2, 2020. Had I received notification? No, I had not and Heck, yes, I’m prepared to accept prizes anytime. However, I was also aware (since they’ve been all over the place advertising the fact) that the Publishers Clearing House big prize was to be awarded on August 31. She seemed a bit confused but mentioned the National Gaming Commission. This was a tip-off of “scam-i-tude” because the only National Gaming Commission out there has to do with Indian casinos. Haven’t heard from her lately either. There is, however a notice about a circulating sweepstakes scam describing–just about exactly–what Barbara was trying to pull. I still have my lists, just don’t have any money. If I ever do win The Big One, you’ll know.
Blizzards for all!
O.K., here’s a really weird one: the Showerhair Challenge. The number of people who will video themselves taking a shower is truly mind-boggling. Two of the oddest were a chick who collected the hair collected in the drain, straightened it and made it into pictures and somebody else (apparently someone with long hair) who collected the accumulated strands, straightened them, then sold the swatches for augmentation of high-fashion “do’s”. Ugh!
How about a palindrome to top off your day? Taco cat. How about two? Dammit, I’m mad! There are more where those came from. Beware.
