Thought for today : “All that glitters is not gold.” And, just for good measure, “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” Thoughts to be thunk when you get a phone call purporting to give you large sums of money that you did not know you had even signed up for. Just sayin’.
How do I know this? Thereby hangs a tale (or in my house, maybe a tail).
So…I’m in bed reading one evening when the phone rings and I answer it (Who doesn’t answer an unexpected phone call at night?).I hear the voice of a male caller who gave his name as John Lopez and told me that I was in line to receive a delayed prize distribution of $3.5 Million from some outfit named Mega Millions( Pay-Out Department)…AND…$20,000 in cash. Did I want the big bucks in cash or in a check? He really wanted to give me a bunch of cash. Think for a minute–how many piles of greenbacks will there be to make up three and a half million dollars? Do I have room for all of this windfall? We’ll work on it. I opt for the check.
Anyway…. John Lopez, acting as the general manager of this outfit, apologizes for not having delivered the prize in a timely fashion, which has caused there to be a small fee for storage (What? They were keeping the piles of bills in a cardboard box somewhere?), amounting to $3125…but out of the goodness of his heart, he was going to pay $3000 and I would only be required to pony up $125 to get my winnings. What a guy, right? He’s going to call me on Saturday to complete arrangements for delivery of this windfall–AND he’s going to bring $20,000 in CASH for the photo op. What a guy!
Well, contrary to popular belief, I am not really as dumb as I look, so I called the police to check out what scams were going around; the dispatcher I talked to chuckled throughout my recital of the events then turned me over to patrolman Vecchio, who cautioned me–as had the dispatcher–about handing out any personal or financial information and said the department would stay in touch. On Saturday ( I had a friend in to witness whatever might be going down) we waited for the phone call, to no avail. No cash either. Called the police department to report this. End of story? Not on your tintype.
In the meantime, I got another call from a Walter Martin, also a general manager, with the American Cash Awards Company, which wanted to present me with–wait for it–$7.5 million (megamillions94), AND a blue Mercedes-Benz. Well, all right then. He’s going to call back too to discuss how to pay the $200 (storage fees again, this time my share of the $44,200for this service[?] was going to be $200)…inflation is everywhere. Both of these guys took pains to explain that the cash had just been sitting around in storage; thus, the fees. One went so far as to claim it was in a big safe which was going to be delivered to me…or to my bank. I pictured the reaction down at the Middlefield branch when that came through the door.
This bonanza had to go through a merchant banker, one Shawn Orane Patrick, of 1257 Loring Ave, Apt # 5G, Brooklyn New York, 11208. Do merchant bankers operate out of humble digs such as this? And this had to be managed by sending a registered/certified letter(signature required), priority/overnight through the USPS containing my check. THEN I get the Mercedes. All along, I’m keeping the police apprised of what’s going on and when I got a call–finally, on Monday–that the money and the cash were on the way, I let them know. Just as I am speaking with my big benefactor about the arrival of the prizes, there’s a knock on my door. Who should be standing there but Chief Christopher and Sgt. Whan, who asked to speak to whoever’s on the other end of the line…which he did. Suddenly, there was a click. No Mercedes for me.
Never got to use the password for the $20,000 either (M11IW, in case they call you. See if you can get a deal).
I still have the lists that I was making just in case either of these scams get to be a real thing. That’s how the scammers get you. Who wouldn’t like–and be excited about getting–a whopping sum of cash just out of the blue like that? But all along, there were clues, like the Apartment 5G–not exactly an uptown business address. Or the voice of the caller… anybody dealing in millions like that would probably not sound like a drinking buddy from the movies, nor would they likely go on about how good a person they were or how good a person the recipient must be, or how–out of the goodness of their heart–they were going to pay part of the so-called storage fees.
And then…I got another call–female voice this time. I just told her that I’d already got more cash than she was waving in front of me. She was priced out of the market. No cash. No Mercedes. No deal.
