My! There are so many really friendly people on the internet.

An individual named Trixie–doesn’t she sound friendly already–lets me know that somebody wants to meet me.  Well, doesn’t everyone?

An individual…or corporation, after all, the Supreme Court says that corporations are people too, which is part of the reason you’re getting all of those dreadful election-year ads on your TV…named beklockw618 ( sounds like a robot to me) greets me–in my spam file–by saying, in the friendliest possible way, “Iva hey”.  Well, this can’t be anyone I know, because if they DID know me they’d know that I’d correct their punctuation right off the bat…not the best way to carry on a friendship for the long haul.

And speaking of “long haul”,  somebody–no friend of mine–posted an entry inquiring  about my interest in “Mature Dating”.  The NERVE!  Some day I’m going to grow up but this week I’ve got too many things on my plate and next month doesn’t look good either , so I don’t exactly see when that’s going to happen.  Somebody let me know when you spot frost around the edges of the hinges of Hades and we’ll think about it.  Leave a message on the machine.

And it’s not all about friendship either( If  it were at all).  There are deals too good to be true!  Somebody wants to give me a $500 Costco card and all they want in return is my Social Security number, date of birth and mother’s maiden name.  How can I lose?  My health is somebody’s concern too.  The latest–after the “cleanse” regimens that were going to take away all of my bodily impurities (Like, I would have any of those!  Puleeeeze!)–is an offer to naturally cure hemorrhoids.  These folks are a little over-friendly, don’tcha think?  Have to say, it’s NOT a subject I bring up real often with friends…or anyone else, for that matter.

On the other hand, the Reiman Publications people (part of Reiman Media Group), cheeseheads from up in Wisconsin who bring us all the Taste of Home magazines, Simple and Delicious, cookbooks of every imaginable stripe (with the possible exception of cannibalism), they are looking for an outstanding individual to serve, this year, as–Ta Daaah–Mrs. Holiday Ambassador.  Let’s put aside for a second the fact that I’m not a Mrs. Anything and focus on the fact that whoever this Ambassador is, she’ll get a contract for $50,000, doing whatever it is that a Holiday Ambassador does.  Piece of cake, right?

The website says only that the lucky selectee will get to showcase their “special holiday talents”.  Mine seem to lie in the direction of finding someone else who really likes to put up decorations–trees, garlands, lights, ornaments, the whole ball of wax–and getting them to do it.  Somehow, I don’t think that this is precisely what they’re looking for.  The magazine people usually tend toward projects like building an entire Christmas tree out of giant marshmallows, lo-cal Cool Whip and green glitter…maybe roasted turkey with pumpkin-jalapeno-lime stuffing…trash can cozies made from red felt and candle wax…Hanukka gelt made from goat cheese.  Again, not exactly where my talents–such as they are–generally lie.  How did I miss this in the magazine?  Must be a conspiracy to keep my best stuff from getting to the public.  Could I sue?  Why not, everybody else does.

Now, in any case, I’m going to “get off the dime” (the same one that I stopped on) to get to the remaining auditions–that’s what they’re calling them–to rate a chance to be their Holiday Ambassador.  There have already been auditions in Charlotte(7/17), Chicago(7/19), Nashville(7/24), Orlando(7/26)and the last one’s in Dallas on July 28.  Have to pack my apron(Maybe the one that says, “I love to cook with Wine; sometimes I even put it in the Food.”  Never mind, I just read the rules.) and get moving.  It would also appear that the Hilton and Marriott people are involved somehow, since that’s where all of these festivities are being held.  Hanging out at the Marriot would be lots more fun than auditioning online @

Anyway, whoever gets the most votes at this spot by September 7, gets to be , Ta Daaah…Mrs. Holiday.

Looking at their regular website, I find the usual restrictions about age, working for the company and such, but it also says that entrants may choose their holiday (There’s a list, doesn’t mention Arbor Day, St. Erho’s Day or International Talk Like A Pirate Day) then submit a video and a recipe.  There will be a Mrs. Holiday, ten stand-outs(one for each of the commercial holidays listed) and one popular vote-getter.

This could cause my recipe file(HA!) to self-destruct.

I could get serious about this if the Grand Prize Winner got a Mr. Holiday