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Quick, check the calendar! Is it winter yet?

Wholeeee Snowleee!  When the real thing hits, It’s gonna be “Bessie bar the doors!” if this is just the preview.  Wouldn’t you know that this exercise in inclemency–weather division–happens in the year that the powers-that-be down in Columbus, where the sun never sets, have decreed that there will be only three snow days.  Kiss the early end of school goodbye…or Presidents’ Day off…or spring break…or whatever…if this is the model for the rest of the year.

And we owe this, at least partly to the fact that the fall was so balmy that Lake Erie didn’t get anywhere near freezing early-on.  So now, when the Alberta Clipper or Sasquatch Saskatchewan or Manitoba Snowmobile or whatever comes whooping down from the north, it sucks up enormous amounts of warm-ish moisture from Our Great Lake, hauls it as far as the highland rim of the lake ( They’re not called Cleveland Heights, Cuyahoga Heights, Shaker Heights, Kirtland Hills, Highland Heights, etc. for nothing, you know), where it gets colder as it rises, then starts dropping the stuff in the Snow Belt…and the Secondary Snow Belt(That’s us, son)…and as far south as the supply holds out and the temperature stays down.  So…basically, we’re going to continue to get this drubbing by the Jack Frost Frigid-Air until the lake freezes over.  Then we can start worrying about warm moist air coming up the Mississippi and Ohio Valleys and striking the Horripilation Howlers full of cold air from our Canadian friends and creating a reprise of the Blizzard of ’77-’78.  Now there’s something to look forward to!

And how are procrastinators like myself supposed to get out and boost the national economy, putting our cash in circulation by purchasing Christmas presents( It’s all about patriotism)? Most likely, it’ll be Internet to the Rescue for a lot of folks: let the Fed Ex and UPS people figure out how to get packages where they need to be when they need to be there.

In case you’re looking for some last-minute items, the web has a few juicy suggestions:

Check out the Husqvarna ‘luxe lawnmower, a high-end robotic garden tool if there ever was one, sort of a “Roomba for the grass” at only $2700–$300additional for solar power.  Mom, this is for you!  The John Deere could be history!

No?  O.K., so you’re artistic with a camera.  How about the Leica M9, featuring a titanium body, with Nappa leather and a sapphire crystal screen     ?  A steal (Well something’s missing anyway) at only $26,500.

The Herman Miller Sayle office chair could be a stocking-stuffer for the ecological set.  It’s a design knock-out, PVC-free, made of  93%   recycled materials and going for only $679…hard to fit in those little canvas shopping bags though.

So maybe you want to splurge (Or have somebody else splurge on you, that’s usually better), here’s the ticket.  The 2011 Veyron Super Sport by Bugatti boasts(I’ll bet somebody does!) 1200 horsepower, put out by 16 cylinders cranking along in a quad-turbo engine (Whatever that means)and rolling smoothly on handmade Michelin tires ($42,000, the set).  Can get up to 258 mph…no mention of how many mpg, probably not comparable.  At 2.5 million, wouldn’t that look good under the tree (A very tall tree, of course)?

If you’re looking for entertainment, try a holiday wrestling meet/tournament.  The matches are engaging but watching the coaches is a hoot!  Some of those guys could get Emmys or Tonys or Oscars or something…I’d include Grammys but they mostly just bellow…no beat, not dance-able, as they used to say on the American Bandstand Show. Basketball coaches usually spiff up a bit, you know, DRESS, a tie, maybe even a button-down shirt; none of that here.  We’re talking BASIC : school colors are about the max  They do their own stunts too.

Heaven only knows what’s in their stockings!

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